Thursday, December 28, 2017

2017: WTF?

Let's talk 2017, shall we?

I originally had the idea of listing all of the things that sucked about this year, but I decided against it, because there are just way too many. While this year was wonderful in some aspects, I think that most of us will be entering 2018 with a bad taste in our mouths. I mean, we started the year with Trump inaugurated as our president. Things couldn't get any worse!

...But they did. They got, like, really bad.

Like I said, I won't go through every single event that happened, but I just wanted to recognize the fact that 2017 contained a great deal of trauma. There was political trauma, and our mouths were pretty much agape every day. There was more police brutality. More natural disasters than I would like to fathom. More shootings (a.k.a. domestic terrorism). Oh, and let's not forget your friendly, neighborhood Nazis parading the streets.

What. A. Time. To. Be. Alive.

On a personal note, I also dealt with depression this year - something that I've only read about and experienced through others. It sucked. The second half of my 2017 really, really sucked. I am grateful for those who provide me with the love and support that I sometimes feel as though I don't deserve.

I've had several conversations with people about how tough this year has been, and when I think about it more deeply, I just feel exhausted. Sometimes I feel helpless, or desensitized, like I've seen it all before. That's no way to be.

So what do I do? More importantly, what do we do?

I find solace in trying to live authentically, and encouraging others to do the same. There is a great deal of nonsense that is out of our control, but also some that is within it. In times like these, we need to feel in control. When we feel powerless, we need to remember where our power lies.

We've made it this far, and as shitty as things are, we are all capable of being powerful. As defeated as we may feel, we are resilient. It just takes getting through it - whatever "it" is.

I don't have any resolutions for 2018, with the exception of this. I want to recognize my power, honor it, and empower others who may need it. And on the days where everything is just too much, I may rely on ya'll to empower me too.


'Til next time,
Christina

Friday, July 7, 2017

Are you good enough? Nope!

If I haven't said this before, I'll say it now - my blog posts are 85% for me, and the other percent (you can do the math) goes out to anyone who happens to read them. They're a public journal, you could say. A very public journal. If I'm feeling some type of way - sad, frustrated, "shook," as the kids are saying now - best believe I'll put it into writing.

So let's talk about something that definitely plagues my mind and might bother you, too. Being enough.

Are you enough? Short answer, yes. Long answer, no.

Despite how perfect my life seems (that was a joke), I often feel inadequate because that's just how life is.

Sometimes I don't feel "woke" enough. I'll share videos and articles, and I'll write about my frustration and exhaustion regarding oppression and police brutality, because that's what I personally feel capable of right now, but somehow I still end up feeling like less of an activist and, subsequently, less "Black."

Sometimes I don't feel positive enough. I follow a lot of new age-y, holistic, and health-minded people on social media, and I'll find myself feeling like I should be out hiking more or going to yoga more, or talking more about how "present" I feel and how beautiful life is.

Those are just a couple of examples. There are a few more insecurities and inadequacies - trust.

There are a ton of things out there and people out there that will make us feel as though we're just not doing enough and we're just not enough, period. So back to my first question, are you enough?

In the grand scheme of things, no. If we continue to look for the next thing, the better thing, the thing that will supposedly make us happy, strong, interesting, or good, then no. We will never be enough. (This isn't to say that goals aren't important.) Chances are you won't have the same quality of life as that person who's loving life and smiling on Instagram, because they're them and you're you.

I also said that you are enough, though. "Enough" is a word that probably has some Latin root, meaning something very meaningful, I'm sure. But the thing about "enough" is that it's immeasurable. And if you were to measure it, someone else would be holding the ruler, not you. So let's take "enough" out of the equation (and let's stop with all this math talk).

Since we can't measure whether you're good enough or strong enough or smart enough, why bother worrying about it? This is a legitimate question that I'm asking you, anonymous reader, and myself. When the standards are infinitely high, why worry?

This is going to have a really cheesy end to it, and I halfheartedly apologize. What is "enough" is 100% up to you. And if you take "enough" out of it, you just are. We need to realize that we're probably never going to be (x) enough and just deal. Just live our lives. You're doing what you're doing, you are who you are, and where you're at is where you're at.

'Til next time,
Christina